Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
