so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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