I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
