I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
