just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
