can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize