I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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