Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I am available for nakedness
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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