Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
