i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
