please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
