he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
