im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
