I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
