Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
