yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
