why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize