Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
