I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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