I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
