New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize