At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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