Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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