She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
