there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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