my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
