Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
