i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
