it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
