Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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