They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
