Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
