Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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