just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
