When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize