After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you win again, gameday.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
