some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
