guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you would pick up someone in the library
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
