He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
