if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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