Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
