Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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