I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
