You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
