Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
