Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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