I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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