remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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