btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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