it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
