do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
