Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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