she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
only you would photoshop your dick
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
