those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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