Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
