from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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