just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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