i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize