I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I need water and some morals
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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