He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize