I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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