i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
