I want to make a zoo with you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Even my vagina gasped.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
