She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
