My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
