Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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