Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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