Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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