he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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