Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
