i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize