Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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