he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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