Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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