So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
