I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
